It’s when the most studying needs to be done that I get the most philosophical and want to absorb all information not associated with what I’m studying. It’s why, instead of reading my sensation and perception chapters, I’ve been getting caught in a web of National Geographic, Lord of the Rings fanfiction (shoot me), and debates about cutting films short for American audiences (whaddup, Kingdom of Heaven?). My mind wanders… a lot. And thinking is my favourite activity. It’s not actually beneficial. Dear God, how am I ever going to keep up in university at this rate?
I’ve been measuring my mood a lot during the past week, and things are looking up. Up in an odd way, but up all the same. It’s kind of like the days are passing too quickly yet each hour takes an infinity to pass, but you somewhat enjoy it all the while. And, should I have not procrastinated so much with studying for my psych exam tomorrow, I would be feeling pretty damn good right now. But, I’ll settle for this good and stress. The stress tells me that I need to keep up better next time. And, with feeling more up than I have in the past two months, I’m thinking I can turn that into a reality.
See, with this depression of sorts, it really distracted me from my course work. I stopped reading, I stopped studying, and I slid by with a B in all exams during that time. But, after a few weeks of this behaviour, it’s gotten to the point where I can’t slide by as easily. It will take a lot of work to get caught back up to where I should be in both of my psych classes and my German class. Luckily, I’m okay in spirituality and physics.
My psych classes this semester haven’t been holding my attention at all. In fact, I’d be willing to say that they’re amongst my least favourite of courses so far. I love psychology, really, but I’m taking two very uninteresting classes. One is more biological and the other experimental–both of which do not interest me when it comes to psychology. I’m much more interested in learning about why people do things and learning about the counselling aspects. After all, I want to be a counsellor, so this kind of makes sense. Luckily, though, these are the two psych classes that I am least interested in, so getting them out of the way during my freshmen year will open up a lot more space for the next three years for classes that I actually do care. Whaddup, Romantic Relationships and Child Development? Those are amongst the classes that I am feasting for, slowly waiting for, anticipating. Throw in some classes on human personality, and I’m set for life.
I’ve given a little thought lately about what I’ll do with counselling. Marital and family counselling was my plan, and still is, though I’m also looking at premarital. From talking to my friends, premarital counselling often exists in church settings, but I don’t think that it’s used enough for other couples who are not interested in the church. Really, it should be mandatory for people getting married to go through some counselling and work through some differences before they’re married. I think that it would help keep a lot of relationships together, so I’ve been thinking about adding that in the mix of things that I want to do. Sounds like a fun plan. I can’t wait to be a counsellor.
There are a lot of things that I can’t wait for. Getting this damned exam over with, starting my studio art minor, summer break and sitting by the Missouri with a good book. I can’t wait for my big city dreams and crappy apartment. I can’t wait to adopt a kitten and name it something special from a book or something in Arabic (I found the word for ‘morning’ today, and I love it: Sabah). I even can’t wait to open up my own little office beneath my apartment on some cozy lane. Yes, they’re all dreams. And dreams don’t always just come true (I’ve learned that from experience), but they are dreams none the less, and they keep me motivated.
I like dreams. It’s why I live in a dream world about half of the time I’m awake. It’s the swish of thoughts and music and plans for the future. It’s soaking up all this beauty around me and dreaming of how to keep it with me for always. It’s why I paint and sing songs that I make up. It’s why I drive for hours past farms and keep myself mystified the entire way, enjoying every dead stalk that I see buried in the snow. Dreams are feasts and lavish curtains and silk bedding and Indian sundresses. Dreams are the pictures in your mind that turn into movies after reading books. Dreams are a source of our being when the physical isn’t enough. They are power.
Dreams are also giant Ents curb stomping cars outside of your window and having your bed shake so much that your room mate turns into Hulk and saves you, only for you to turn into Alice in Wonderland. But those are the dreams of night, and Lord knows that mine are too crazy for you all.