Rarely do I encounter a film that has me asking “Are you fucking kidding me?” every other scene, but I’ve now found a film that not only asks me that, but constantly. The thing that distinguishes this film from, oh say, Twilight* or Superbad** or any other movie that has me asking this, was that this film was actually a bit entertaining.
This film is 300.
Now, I’m pretty sure the writers heard about the battle and thought,”Hmm, there were these guys from Sparta who all died fighting the Persians. How can we use this to make a two hours film of barely dressed men running around killing each other?” Well, they came up with the script for 300, called it a good thing, and produced it to an adoring audience of college guys who like baddassery and high school girls who want to see abs galore.
I finally watched this film, though, and the thing that caught my attention the most (aside from some very sexy men), was that King Xerxes seemed to not only have a lot of warriors, but a lot of interesting warriors. I was not aware that the Persian army contained ninjas, trolls, Oliphaunts, giants, Quasimodo, goats that can play musical instruments, snake women, and a very effeminate king. Yeah, turns out that history forgot about this; who knew?
Really, though? It was entertaining, but it wasn’t history. And not every film has to be historically accurate, but I honestly think that film producers could have made a film both historically accurate and entertaining. It could still be epic, but in more of an interesting way rather than an action kind of way. After all, diplomacy can be sexy; it’s just finding the right kind of diplomacy to make smart sexy rather than brawn. But that’s just me. And as we all know, I’m quite biased.
But I won’t diss too much on 300. Its what-the-fuckery made it interesting, and it was a good watch on a stressful day. I just like to complain about how it’s labelled an historic drama when it is an action movie. Because, when a giant gets stabbed in the eye and rips out the knife to keep fighting, I tend to call bull shit. But, it had a killer soundtrack, nice effects, and wasn’t half bad for how Hollywood goes. So, not too bad.
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*For the record, I dislike Twilight; it seems to encourage abusive relationships far too much for my liking. Plus, I’m more of a Lestat fan than an Edward fan when it comes to vampires.
**I watched Superbad for the first time a few months ago, and I honestly couldn’t even finish it. I managed to watch it for an hour before completely giving up. It was crude, not funny, and lacked wit that was needed to balance out the disgusting scenes. Really, the movie was disgusting; there’s no other way to put it. Superbad is honestly the only film that I have ever seen that I have hated or completely detested. It is beyond me why it has such favourable attention from people my age, and even for those who aren’t. If you like this film, sorry, but I stand by what I say. I think it’s absolutely horrible.