There’s music playing in the background that I used to yell out back in middle school with my neighbour, music from an old video game that we used to play. It feels like such a long time ago, standing in my backyard by the pool in our long skirts and singing together. Looking back, I wonder if I should miss it. She’s no longer a part of my life, and I don’t really mind. She moved away, we were never much alike, and in that younger kid sense, we easily drifted apart. But I’m still listening to this song, wondering how it could possible have been six years ago. Part of me feels like that it was so terribly recent and that six years isn’t an incredibly long time, but the other half of me feels like that was an entirely different life ago. Like a past life. Sometimes, things are very hidden away in memories, and when you find yourself catching them, it throws you back into the wall.
I still haven’t figured out whether I can put up with that feeling and feel intact afterwards. Strange how you encounter your old thoughts and behaviours by losing your breath.