And here is where I continue telling you about my life and what has been happening lately in some type of witty but meaningful manner, all of which should lead to some life lesson. Except that I’m not really the type to have it all mean something except for a rant that could be finished within a single sentence. Maybe a sentence with semi-colon in the middle, but you get the picture. But the reason that I’m writing all of this is to say that, for today (and maybe only today), I have the confidence to write as though I do not have an audience.
It’s a tricky thing, writing for an audience. It’s something that I originally didn’t think that I would encounter since the internet is sometimes a massive wasteland of unread rantings, and yet people did start reading this. And, somehow, that made my writing become a bit more artificial. For the first time, I had to start worrying about who would read and what they’d think and whether I would upset them. And it was important to keep in mind, because I did hurt some people, especially around a year ago. Anger is a strange motivator that can cause you to have better work-outs or more motivation toward an exam or the ability to change the world you live in, but it’s also a force that can come across in waves. You may think the first wave is brilliant, but the second comes back with the hurt feelings of others. And, for that, I am held fully accountable and sorry.
But I do want to be more honest with you, and I do want to be able to tell you how I really think and feel without worrying about condemnation or assault. While this may never be as fully ‘me’ as, say, my diary, I still want this to be a fully honest public forum that expands from my thoughts. So I leave you for only this moment. This tiny little moment. And I want you to know that I will be back and I will be writing more and it will be of a level of honesty that really hasn’t occurred on here since my blog was first activated (minus the two years that it sat in cyber-space). I hope that I can speak with all of you on a better level, regardless of what anyone may think.