A non-ranting post

As much as I complain about university and how much work it is, there are always the reminders of why I’m here and why I love it.  The other day, a professor was explaining neurons firing and how there may be specific neurons in correlation to specific stimuli.  For instance, our text book had a photo of Halle Berry, the word Halle Berry, and then a picture of her as Catwoman.  The section later stated that there may be a specific point in our brains meant just for Halle Berry, or just for our grandmothers, or just for any other certain thing.

So, my professor wrote Halle Berry on the board to show us that neurons were probably firing.  Then, she said, “We can also put up another similar character from Batman, but that character would cause different neural passage-ways to light up if you were being monitored.  For instance, what about the joker?”

She wrote the words “Joker” on the board beside “Halle Berry” and paused.

“Who played the Joker again?” she asked.  A girl in a row behind her called out that it was Heath Ledger.

A light crossed the professor’s eyes, as she quickly scribbled Heath Ledger’s name beside Joker while she said, “Yeah, how could I forget that?  Heath Ledger’s HOT!”  She paused again.  “Or, well, was hot…”

Sometimes, these are the moments that make it all worth it.

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My Life According to Nickel Creek

Recently, my friends all filled out this survey on Facebook, so I figured that I would give it a try using the ever-so-wonderful Nickel Creek as my inspiration.  If this isn’t a shameless plug for my favourite band, I don’t know what is.

– – –

Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. Pass it on to 10 people you like and include me. You can’t use the band I used. Try not to repeat a song title. It’s a lot harder than you think! Repost as “my life according to (band name)”

Pick your Artist:
Nickel Creek

Are you a male or female:
Sabra Girl

Describe yourself:
Young

How do you feel:
Doubting Thomas

Describe where you currently live:
House of Tom Bombadil

If you could go anywhere, where would you go:
Out of the Woods

Your favorite form of transportation:
First and Last Waltz

Your best friend is:
Helena

You and your best friends are:
Somebody More Like You

What’s the weather like:
Green and Grey

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called:
Cuckoo’s Nest

What is life to you:
Seven Wonders

Your last relationship:
I Should’ve Known Better

Your fear:
Hanging by a Thread

What is the best advice you have to give:
When in Rome

Thought for the Day:
Best of Luck

How I would like to die:
Why Should the Fire Die?

My soul’s present condition:
Jealous of the Moon

My motto:
Speak

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Call it Musing

I’ve been thinking a lot about next year, lately.  It’s unanswered in the extreme, which I’ve been unwilling to face.  After all, I’m a planner and extremely intuitive, so it’s difficult to not be able to see into my future.  It’s also difficult to realise that I have little control over what is to happen.

This weekend, I’ll be interviewed in order to become a Student Advisor, and it has me in every sort of nerve.  Many people apply for the job.  Many, many, many.  But only about ten percent of the applicants are chosen for the job.  So, I’m hoping that I can give the best appearance possible in order for the committee to choose me as a future student advisor.

Should I not be chosen, there are many different routes that will be open and closed in my life.  There are many back up plans, one of which I really like and is my second choice, but I’m still very confused as to how I will do without being chosen as an SA.

With SA, it will be my campus job.  It’s just about twenty-four-seven, but I will manage.  Lots of leadership, planning, caring, etc.  I can do that.  I’ll also be given my own room, which will greatly improve my sleeping habits, and my room and board will be nearly covered.  That, alongside my existing scholarships, means that I wouldn’t have to worry any more about how to pay for next year.

But those aren’t the reasons I really want to become an SA.  I want to become one so that I can help build a community, be someone there for others when they need help, and so that I can be someone for others to look up to.  After all, I want to be a counsellor later on down the road, so this seems like a logical step towards that.  Plus, I enjoy helping other people.

It will be a lot of work, but I can do that.  I’m sure.

Should I not be chosen, I have several back up plans.  The first is to move in with my friend Katie and be room mates down the hall.  She has a double deluxe room, and we get along quite well, so that would work quite well.  Should she find a room mate before then, I’ll squat my room and hope for the best with a room mate next year.  That, or I’ll still squat in my room but buy out the whole thing.  That will cost a bit more, but I would be willing in order to bring some balance to my life and so that I wouldn’t have to worry about roomming with someone I disliked.  But, even with all of those options, I have no way to pay for it without more scholarships or a good job.  And I’ll be low on time for a job that’s not SA (AKA: driving to a job and such would be difficult for me).  The only thing I can think of would to be a tour guide for campus, but I’d need to see how much that would pay and if it would be enough.

– – –

Meanwhile, I’ve been thinking a lot about decorations should I end up getting my own room next year.  My theme would most likely be New Age since that has become the theme of my life, anyway.  There are some really neat lamp ideas that I have including hanging a light wash of fabric over the main light in order to have a glowing room.  Then, I’d supplement light with hanging lanterns which I’m going to figure out how to make with wire and fabric over the summer, and I also have three matching lamps in my room right now that I will be able to add.  I also plan on painting a few more paintings for my room, regardless of where I am next year.  I want to finish my seasons scene, and I thought of a neat idea for some abstract works this morning.  Also, I saw some neat wall hangings yesterday that I would like to buy regardless of my roomming in order to use as decoration on the wall or as a separation for a changing area.  But I’m still thinking about that.  Last, I’ve been thinking about bringing up my trunk next year to use as storage and seating.  But that depends a lot on room and the like.

– – –

You may be wondering why I’m not roomming in the same fashion as this year, but my room mate and her best-friend are roomming together next year in the room beside me.  I found it humorous how nervous they were about telling me; maybe they thought I would be very hurt.  But I had called this months before, and it came as no surprise.  Chances were, I knew that they were going to room together next year before they even knew it.  They’ll get along very well, and I’m of course, not upset about any of it.  After all, life moves, and these aren’t things that bother me.  It opens and closes doors.  I don’t mind.

– – –

Noah and I visited our friends at Mizzou yesterday, which went surprisingly well.  We didn’t do all that much, aside from go out to eat twice, sleep very little, watch some films, and later walk around town to poke into shops.  I ended up buying three new albums while at Slackers (Enya and two Loreena McKennitt).  They’re wonderful, and I’ve been listening to them since.

There’s not much else to say about that.  Just know that I’m doing well for now, though I’ll be starting some psychology reading rather soon (I have much of it).  And then I may hang out with Rebecca or watch some football with Abby.  Either one.  Doesn’t matter.  Hopefully you find yourself well.

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I’ve never had to try.

I’m a force to be reckoned with; unfortunately, no force has yet tried to push me over, so my true force has never been seen.

My German class will try, though.  Between memorising these forty sentences for tomorrow’s quiz and trying to understand spoken German, I’m most likely going to die.  On top of that, there’s a hefty dose of physics and maths (which, for the life of me, I don’t remember at all), two chapters to be read for psychology, and a constant stream of spirituality reading and self-reflection.

So, I guess you could say that school has picked back up with full force.  University’s pissed, and it’s showing its teeth.  It wants to make me work, and it wants to push me over into the mud.  I won’t let it.  I’ll be that force that no one has seen.  And I won’t let it completely kick my butt.  After all, I’ve developed the mind set that tells me I must be able to get through this since it will be much worse next year if I’m a student advisor (which I applied for and will hopefully get an interview for).  It’s nerve-racking; I’ll fully admit that in every aspect.  School.  Possibly being an SA.  etc.  It’s all stressful.

Speaking of which, I leave for Mizzou tomorrow afternoon with Noah.  Should be interesting.  My friends haven’t planned out a damned thing for the trip, so I’m finding my planning-ahead personality throwing out red flags every few hours.  It’s tell me, “Missi!  Why aren’t you grabbing hold of the reigns and making them develop plans?  Why aren’t you taking the lead?”

I answer it with grace.  Yes, I am a wonderful leader; I am fully capable of getting people to work together and efficiently.  What I am not is a miracle worker.  Further more, it is not my place.  If they can’t get their shit together, then it’s not my problem.  I’ll just go with the flow once again.

Anyway, time for an end to this rant and back to studying for German.  After all, I refuse to let it push me over.  And seeing how there is a lot of mud in Kirksville, I’m going to be putting up one hell of a fight.

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Tapioca Pudding

I’m fairly certain that God was making tapioca pudding last night.  He mixed the ingredients well, cooked it up, then placed in a large glass bowl and into the refrigerator so it could cool.  Unfortunately, God hasn’t updated his kitchen in a while (after all of the years, who can keep track of the last remodelling, anyway?), and it seems the back of his fridge must have fallen off recently.  You can tell because all of the tapioca pudding in the pretty glass dish has crashed upon Kirksville.

I awoke this morning to the sounds of thunder and Nickel Creek, a surprising combination.  Minutes after, I was reawakened by the sound of sharp rain.  Loud rain.  Only after I got out of my lofted bed did I realise that it was sleet and freezing rain.  So when I finally walked to class at 8.30, I became suddenly aware of what must have happened to God’s pudding.

All around was the ice.  Plastered to trees, railings, and the ground.  That must have been that pretty glass bowl.  And mixed in was the tapioca.  Thick like fish eggs all over the ground, giving your morning walk to class a gushy and otherwise slippery sensation.

Poor God, I suppose he’ll have to make some more pudding for lunch.  Luckily, it shouldn’t take too long.  And maybe He’ll find that it’s time to renovate the kitchen.

A small example of this tapioca pudding sleet.

With every step, you could hear the trees creak and moan.  The weight of the ice has probably caused some limb damage around Kirksville.

My bike has seen quite a beating over the past few months.  Poor thing.  I’ll have to take it home, refill the empty tire, and scrub off the rust.  What a shame that it was so expensive and now so useless.

Seriously!  This rust is ridiculous.  My poor, poor bike!

I couldn’t even turn the handlebars because of the layer of ice.

This is what Mo hall looks like in front of my window.  My room is on the first level, behind this lovely tree so full of ice.

Missouri knows how to turn ice storms into something beautiful, that’s for sure.

(In all seriousness, there was a bit of freezing rain last night that turned into a hefty amount of sleet.  It’s slick and mushy out there, so be cautious and wear boots!  Also, avoid driving and standing under trees; they’re really quacking with the weight of the ice.  The temperature is dropping steadily, so patches of rain will turn into sleet/snow again, and water on the sidewalks will refreeze tonight and tomorrow morning.  Be wary if the salt trucks have not swung by.)

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Bombs

Life is kind of like a dead bomb.  You can see it flying through the air toward you, whistling and making its arch, but it still feels unexpected when it finally hits the ground.  And, it can be a scary experience, nerve-racking, terrifying, even, but it causes no physical pain.  When it’s all said and done, with the smoke filling out in a hiss, all you can do is stare back at it and wonder why things weren’t any worse.

The word “life” could also be replaced with the word “procrastination” in the above paragraph, and it will still mean the same damned thing.

I procrastinated all weekend, which lead to my only getting one chapter of psychology reading finished rather than three.  It’s a bit infuriating, and I realise that I wasted all of my time.  What’s worse is that, I would be able to get more of it done in the upcoming weekend, but I’ll be out of town for part of it.  My friends at Mizzou are celebrating a birthday for… Let’s call her person A.  A’s 19th birthday is on the weekend, so I may or may not be driving down there for Saturday.  My friend wants to go for the whole weekend, but I can’t manage that.  Between tour crew, things to do, and my own sanity, I need to keep it one day.  And if I do any more, it would be Friday night.  But that would still be pushing it for me.

I’m complaining by this point, but that’s because I’m cranky with myself, introverted, and a little ashamed of how much I’ve eaten this weekend.  I started keeping a log of everything that goes in my mouth each day, and the results aren’t that surprising–I’m eating way too much or the wrong things.  What was actually surprising was that, even though I did this for three days in a row and felt horrible about my eating habits, I did nothing to change over the next few days.  Instead, I just felt more and more guilty.  So, I’m going to just try to keep this up so that I can see what I’m eating all week rather than just on the weekends.  It might be a big difference.

One thing to be proud of, though, is that I really am one of those people who drinks at least eight cups of water per day (and that’s not even including tea or soy milk).  That was comforting.

Anyway, back to some more work before class.  Bombs away.  Bombs away.

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Back to Basics (Part 3)

Otherwise known as “In the Groove”.

This morning, I walked into my Sensation and Perception class, head phones in and National Geographic in hand.  Being the first one into the classroom (I’m always early), I was noticed by my teacher who managed to remember my name and ask how I was doing.  Trivial chit chat lead to the fact that neither of us could believe it was Friday.  Honestly, it feels like I’ve been back to classes for a month.

I thought it would take an extra week to get used to everything, and maybe it will.  But with schedules and being with my house mates, things are back to normal.  Granted, my study habits need recharged (procrastination has been major this week), but I’m hoping to get some work done during this weekend.

Speaking of, this weekend is extended because of Martin Luther King Jr. Day, and guess what the house is doing to celebrate?  Asian Movie Day.  Quite exciting.  We have a list of Asian films, we’ll order Chinese food for dinner, and maybe we’ll even wear some Asian-inspired outfits.  Cultural, yes?  So far, our films to watch include Memoirs of a Geisha, Slumdog Millionaire, Mulan, and three other films (one is a French film about Vietnam, and the other two are about China).  Sure, it may not be exactly what MLK Jr was going for, but it is a celebration of culture.  And that’s what I find exciting.

Meanwhile, it’s off to the rest of my classes for this Friday (German and Physics).  Can’t wait until I get my general education classes over with and can start my studio art minor!

Update: I’d like to bring to attention that the name of this blog has changed from “Missi’s World” to “Missi(world)”.  Sorry to those who have been having trouble finding the blog.  My hope to you is that, now that I have typed in Missi’s World into a blog, you will now be able to search for either name in a Google search.  Terribly sorry to those who have not been able to find me.

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Don’t Apologise

I have a goal for you:  The next time you want to put yourself down, don’t.  The next time you wear something a little different and worry about what others will think when you walk down the sidewalk, don’t.  The next time you beat yourself up over an infraction that no one else even noticed, don’t.

Don’t apologise for who you are.  Don’t apologise for being different.  Don’t apologise for mistakes.

The key to living happily in your own body is to forgive yourself.  You made a bad first impression in class?  Forgive yourself.  You said something stupid to a stranger thinking it was someone else?  Forgive yourself.  You wore an outfit that was a little too in fashion and saw someone staring?  Forgive yourself.

If you force yourself to forgive for mistakes and don’t apologise to others for who you are, you will find that things move much more easily.  After all, it’s your life, and I would hope that you’d live it as you please.

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Back to Basics (Part 2)

And, as a warning, there may or may not be a part 3, which shall be determined by my mood over the next day or two.

University has arrived at full force, and I’ve already begun to feel exactly where I should be.  In a way, it’s as though I’ve picked up right where I left off–as though the winter holidays and three weeks of isolation didn’t even happen.  For the most part, it’s a good thing; I truly enjoy being with my dorm house, walking around campus, and learning.  But it makes me wonder still if I blew off the break too quickly.  I’m not sure how to explain that, so take it as you will.

I already have a decent amount of homework: a full chapter of Sensation and Perception to have read by tomorrow.  Fun stuff.  Luckily, the book seems pretty readable, and psychology is always interesting (after all, it’s kind of my major).  So, I’ll spend all of my spare time reading today.  Hopefully I can tackle it in two or three hours.  Though, knowing me with psychology, it will take longer.  I devour all knowledge on the subject and go over it again and again until I know that I really have it learned.  It’s why I wrote about 100 pages of notes last semester over my 600 page book.  Intense, I realise.

Here’s a general lay-out of my classes this semester, though:

• Sensation and Perception–a high level psych class that will most likely kill me.
• Experimental Psychology–a low level psych class that will also most likely kill me while not being as interesting as Sens/Perc.
• Physics–a low level physics class with a sarcastic teacher.  Should be easy and fun.
• German–elementary II class.  I’m a little worried about it and will need to work on my pronunciation a lot.  Luckily, the teacher is (how did Katie and I put it?) adorably awkward.  My room mate has the same teacher and agreed on the description.
• Spirituality–it’s part of my health requirement, and I’m hoping that it will be my favourite class.  Seems relaxing or at least easy.

Today, I only have an hour of Spirituality and an hour and a half of Exp. Psych.  Tuesdays are amazing.  Thursdays are nearly as amazing except for a two hour physics lab in the early hours of the morning.  But I’m a morning person, so that shouldn’t be bad at all for me.  After all, my first class today is at noon, and I was up at six thirty.  Welcome to my life.

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Back to Basics

Well, school is back on, and I have a half hour until I should leave for my first class of the semester (Sensation and Perception).  I didn’t sleep at all last night because of the nerves and anticipation, so I’m a little on edge at the moment.  Luckily, I’ll get breakfast soon and then get on my way.

It’s cold right now, not that I haven’t mentioned that before, but today is supposed to warm up to 29 degrees.  Yes, warm up to below freezing.  But I’m glad to have any day above zero.  That’s just too much to handle.

Meanwhile, I feel like I’ve been unfair to my friends over the past week.  For starters, I didn’t really see any of them, and I didn’t go to any of the planned events leading to my departure for university.  For the first, I wasn’t feeling well and ended up forgetting.  For the second, I didn’t even know about it.  And for the third, I was with my sister while she shopped for bridal gowns.  But I’m a little upset that I didn’t get to say goodbye to some people.  Sure, I’ll probably be visiting my Mizzou friends in two weeks, and I’ll be seeing my Drury/MO State friends next month, but there are several friends who do not go to those universities that I will not see.  And that’s slightly upsetting.

But, all feelings aside, it’s time for class.  I may or may not blog more today about how everything went.

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